


Maybe I Was In Love With You, That's Why

by LaineyZamo



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Cis girl everyone unless stated otherwise, F/F, F/M, Later Nonbinary Adore, M/M, Trans Katya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:31:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaineyZamo/pseuds/LaineyZamo
Summary: At age 16, Alaska Thunder was only sure of two things; Breadsticks are the holy grail, and she was absolutely, one hundred percent in love with her best friend Sharon Needles.Everyone knew this, except Sharon of course. Sharon could never know. Not about the breadsticks being the holy grail shit, but the whole love thing.





	1. Sharon's Totally a Lesbian

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first piece!!!
> 
> Li'l summary: Alaska's in love with Sharon, Sharon is sent away, they find each other years later.

  


### Sharon's Totally a Lesbian

  
  
_Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 2003 ___  
  
At age 16, Alaska Thunder was only sure of two things; Breadsticks are the holy grail, and she was absolutely, one hundred percent in love with her best friend Sharon Needles.  
  
Everyone knew this, except Sharon of course. Sharon could never know. Not about the breadsticks being the holy grail shit, but the whole love thing.  
  
Sharon was also absolutely, one hundred percent straight. Well that's what she told everybody, anyways (which kinda threw off Alaska's whole "get married at 18 and have 39 kids before age 40" fantasy). Alaska knew better though.  
  
Sharon was definitely a lesbian. Alaska had known since the day she walked in on Sharon looking at a magazine with mostly naked women at age 14. "It's fashion," Sharon had said, not wanting to admit her one secret, for fear her family would somehow find out and have her exorcised.  
  
Sharon had never cared about fashion. All she wore were black jean pants or shorts, a random band tee, her leather jacket, and her her extremely high platform boots, which elevated her an entire three inches above Alaska. An entire three inches Sharon would probably never gain due to her family's petite stature.  
  
When she had walked in, Sharon had shoved herself off the opposite side of the bed and onto the floor to slide it under her bed and keep Alaska from seeing it. Unfortunately for Sharon, she had just cleaned under her bed due to the threat of her mom doing it for her. The magazine had nothing to stop it from sliding all the way under the bed and to hit Alaska's pink heels. Sharon had sat straight up and launched herself onto he bed to roll across and steal the magazine back from Alaska's grasp she had gained seconds before.  
  
"What's this?" Alaska had inquired before flipping through the first few pages, her eyes widening.  
  
"It's fashion," Sharon stated, her chest heaving.  
  
"You sure Shaz?" Alaska asked softly. Her eyes searched Sharon's, quickly spotting the fear and embarrassment plaguing her best friend.  
  
"Yeah," Sharon had whispered, glancing away from Alaska, "I have to pee." Sharon rushed past Alaska and towards the bathroom in the hall, wanting to be alone.  
  
"Wanna talk?" Alaska grasped Sharon's arm before she could escape.  
  
"You should go."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Sharon snatched her arm back. "You should go," she repeated, finally looking into Alaska's eyes sharply with her own teary ones before turning and stalking down the hall into the bathroom.  
  
Alaska stood there, silent, thinking whether or not she should stay. She had later decided, when she reached her front door ten minutes later, that leaving was probably not the better option, and her friend needed support.  
  
They never spoke about it.  
  
There had been no more incidents like this, solely because Sharon threw all of her magazines out in fear that the next Alaska who walked in could be her mom or dad. Sharon also decided to be 'straight', as previously stated. At 15 and a half years old Sharon lost her virginity, to a guy, I must add. When she had told Alaska, Alaska's heart had broken, but she had giggled with her anyways, talking about how bad it was.  
  
She was never sure when she had fallen for her best friend. It was sometime between that first incident, and their 9th grade winter dance, when Alaska got Sharon a flower that somehow had matched her blue-grey dress perfectly, as friends of course. Sharon had snorted at the gesture, but still broke off the bottom of the stem and stuffed the flower into her hair.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At 16 and a half, Alaska was sure of three things; Breadsticks are the holy grail, she had been absolutely, one hundred percent in love with her best friend Sharon Needles for at least a year, and her best friend Sharon Needles was pregnant, and there was no way to fix that.  
  
When Sharon called her in a frenzy at 2 in the morning on a Sunday, being all cryptic and asking to come over, Alaska had of course agreed, wanting to help her friend the best she could.  
  
Sharon had arrived at her door heaving and sobbing, with three sticks in her hand, all reading positive.  
  
Alaska stayed quiet while Sharon sobbed into her shoulder in her bedroom at 2 in the morning. When Alaska woke Sunday, at a reasonable time (7 o'clock, Alaska was always an early riser), she found Sharon staring at her wall, having gotten no sleep.  
  
When she sat up, Sharon looked at her expectantly.  
  
"What do I do?" She had asked.  
  
Alaska had stayed silent, sucked her lips in, and stared at her best friend. _I love her so much _, Alaska had thought selfishly, _she doesn't love me back she slept with someone else _.____  
  
Sharon, of course, in her frantic state had taken this brief moment of silence as hatred, embarrassment, and an exclaim of disgrace. Sharon ran out and didn't look back. Alaska didn't follow.  
  
Sharon didn't come to school on Monday, or Tuesday, or that week, or the one after that. Sharon had been sent away to her adult twin cousins, after telling her _extremely _religious parents about her situation, hoping for support. After graduation years later, Sharon didn't look for Alaska, and Alaska didn't look for Sharon.__  
  



	2. Club Katya Has Killed Alaska

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we take a huge time skip and explore the depths of Alaska's reasonings for New York, a small bit of Katya's smoking habits, Sharon's new job, and costume coordination. Have fun!!
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments!<3
> 
> Hey guess what? Next chapter we get Sharon and the ships and all that jazz.
> 
> Also sorry about the crappy chapter (imo) the next one has way more interesting content.

### Club Katya Has Killed Alaska

  
_Sunnyside Queens, New York, 2016 ___  
  
At age 29, Alaska Thunder was really only sure of one thing; surprisingly, good breadsticks were really fucking hard to find around her new, nice as shit, townhouse in Sunnyside. Zio Luigi and SoleLuna could never live up to the greatness of the endless Olive Garden breadsticks at her home restaurant where she was a regular customer and knew all of the waiters by name.  
  
At 28, Alaska and her best friends had planned to all move together to the townhouse only 37 minutes away from the city. But at the last minute Willam and Courtney backed out and instead decided to travel to L.A., to live out their TV and music dreams. However, they had already paid this months lease and Alaska had her heart set on New York. Broadway, specifically.  
  
"You'll figure it out," Willam had said while making out with Courtney on their old couch.  
  
"Yeah, we'll send you some cash if the money's too much. William's already got a gig that pays tons," Courtney had replied.  
  
Walking up to townhouse 2C, everything was relatively peaceful. This was unusual for Queens, Alaska would definitely learn that later on. The moving van is set arrive in three days so Alaska decided to bring in the luggage she had stowed in her tiny car and drive to the city, too excited to wait.  
  
Alaska really wanted to go see the Broadway Theatre. With a masters degree in singing and a bachelors in piano, Alaska reckoned it would be relatively easy to find a temporary job before her big break.  
  
When she arrived in New York City after a long drive filled with lots of traffic and a Chick-fil-a lemonade, Alaska immediately headed towards Van Cortlandt Park to see some scenery before the one thing she had been looking forward to her entire life would be in her eyesight.  
  
She skipped down the sidewalk bordering the park to check out some cool buildings. "Club Katya," the sign read. This classy looking building had a few posters on the side.  
  
"All types of music."  
  
"Singing and dancing."  
  
"Drinks."  
  
"Hiring."  
  
That one caught Alaska's eye.  
  
But she couldn't go in now. She could wait to find a job. Next to the building was a gymnastics gym.  
  
"Katya's Gym."  
  
_Damn, this lady must be rich. ___  
  
Alaska continued down the street towards (hopefully) her future.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alaska climbed her front steps late at night with three mall shopping bags dragging her arms down and a brain filled with images. Images of Broadway. The theatre, the stage, herself getting ready in the dressing room with a plaque stating her name sitting on the front of her door.  
  
"Well, well, well, you must be the new neighbor I presume?"  
  
Alaska, startled, looked around quickly to find the woman interrupting her thoughts at the bottom of her stairs. Alaska skimmed her up and down. She was decked out in a black and red camo sports bra, black Capri leggings, and five inch red heels. She also had stunning teeth that Alaska was incredibly jealous of immediately.  
  
"Yes. Alaska, nice to meet you," Alaska dropped her bags at her door and walked down her stairs to meet the woman in a loose handshake.  
  
"Katya, privyet."  
  
"Wait, do you own that club and gym next to that park?"  
  
"Yeah. Didn't you just get in? How have you seen it already?" Katya looked at her with confused eyebrows while pulling a pack of cigarettes out of her bra and lighting one. Her messy blonde bob bounced when she lifted her head up. Alaska pushed her hair behind her ears, intimidated by the amount of money this lady must have.  
  
"I drove out to the city this morning," Alaska paused, "Um, your place looked cool, I might go check it out on tomorrow."  
  
Katya's eyes lit up as she took a drag, "Oh That's great! I always have my best ladies preform on fridays so this way you could get the best first impression," Katya rambled, "Oh my god you have to join us. I always have a table reserved for my guests. My girlfriend Trixie is coming tomorrow and our friends Sasha and Shea are always up for a show. So what do you say, are you gonna come?"  
  
Alaska stood stunned for a minute at how fast Katya could think and talk at the same time.  
  
"Yes, I would absolutely love to join you," Alaska replied with a wide grin on her face.  
  
Katya's smile grew even wider, showing off her gums, "Great! See you at 7:30. Wear classy casual." Katya winked, clicked her tongue and walked away. Alaska watched as she skipped towards the townhouse two down from hers and stomped her cigarette out on the asphalt.  
  
Alaska quickly ran up her steps and brought her bags in, not wanting to be out in the cold any longer.  
  
_Well, I guess I won't be alone tomorrow night. ___  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As Alaska prepared for the show the next morning, she dumped out her new clothes and threw a yellow strappy bodycon dress into the washing machine, hoping to get rid of the smell of the other people who had tried it on at the mall.  
  
At 5:00 Alaska started her full face of makeup. She put on a thick line of eyeliner and accentuated her brows by making them darker brown as opposed to her bleach blonde hair. As a last step, she threw on some dark purple lipstick, wanting to match the dress. She threw her hair up in two small buns on either side of her head and straightened the rest down her back.  
  
At 6:30 Alaska carefully put on her freshly warmed dress, now free of wrinkles, and some white pumps with an open toe. She slid on her not so expensive, fake silver earrings and a few light bracelets. She grabbed her black clutch and walked out the door towards her previously ordered cab. Alaska is sure that she will get drunk tonight, finally. It's been too long.  
  
When the car pulls up to the club she pays the driver and quickly leaves the heavy scent of weed and cologne. Katya, dressed in an ugly prairie goth dress, greets her warmly as she walks inside and leads her to her reserved table.  
  
"Hi I'm Trixie," a tall blonde with the most beat face Alaska has ever seen says. She smiled at her and Alaska returns it.  
  
"Alaska, nice to meet you." The girl nods and turns towards two other ladies as Katya walks off backstage, saying something about checking on her girls.  
  
"This is Shea, my best friend from collage," Trixie lightly grabs the shoulder of the woman sitting next to her. The woman has beautiful dark skin and the silkiest hair Alaska has ever seen.  
  
"Nice to meet you," Shea says. Alaska smiles widely and nods, "You too, I love your hair." She thanks her for the complement and Trixie gestures to the woman next to Shea. She has long, luscious, wavy, red hair that Alaska just wants to cut it all off and make into a wig for herself.  
  
"Hi, I'm Sasha, Shea's wife," Sasha introduces herself with a deep and calming voice. Her beautiful face and calming personality intimidate the fuck out of Alaska. "Hieee, nice to meet you," Alaska says.  
  
Trixie motions to a seat next to the performance area made in the middle of the tables connected to a stage. Alaska sits with her legs crossed and Katya's empty chair on her right.  
  
"So how does Katya own two businesses with all of the competition, that sounds incredibly expensive?" Alaska starts, putting a stop to the silence plaguing the table.  
  
Trixie speaks up, "Oh, she has a business partner, Sharon, who co-owns both businesses. Sharon's actually preforming tonight. That's what she really loves."  
  
Alaska quickly thinks about her Sharon before dismissing the idea with the notion of idiocy and quickly thinking back to the signs out front. "Why is Katya's name the front for both businesses?"  
  
"They thought it sounded more exotic and fun, " Trixie finger quotes "exotic and fun" and rolls her eyes playfully.  
  
"You talking about me, love?" Alaska whips her head around, startled, and find Katya smirking at her girlfriend.  
  
"Maybe," Trixie giggles. Katya sits and leans to kiss her softly as the lights start to go down and and focuses on the stage. "These are my best girls," Katya whispers.  
  
Six girls walk out, all wearing black jeggings and a shirt or sweatshirt in their designated color of the rainbow. Red has blue hair and thigh high boots. Orange has her silver-black hair up in a messy bun with a huge scrunchie holding it up (also orange) and white pumps. Yellow had black had curled to perfection with one thick, perfect, white-blonde streak running through it and matching yellow pumps. Green has silver hair (Alaska can tell it's dyed) half up in a ponytail and half down with one of the most stunning mugs she's ever seen, she's wearing impossibly high dark green platform heels. Blue had short black hair and a beautiful face with white pumps.  
Purple is a little Asian girl with long, brown, curly hair and black heels.  
  
They stomp in unison as "Wannabe" starts playing.  
  
"Ha, ha, ha. Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want," the first line goes to purple who puts out extreme energy the moment eyes are on her.  
  
"So tell me what you want, what you really really want," green calls back, leaning backwards for the effect.  
  
"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want," She crouches down and whips her long hair to one side.  
  
"So tell me what you want, what you really really want," green lunges towards purple forming the same position as they lightly bounce while simultaneously screaming their lines with wide smiles on their faces. They both jump up at the same time and jump off of the stage.  
  
"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zig-a-zig-ah."  
  
Alaska can't pay attention. Her eyes zero in on green and just watch her. Her forest green cropped sweatshirt exposes her midriff and Alaska is in awe of her skills in dancing and singing. She can't hear the music, her mind has blocked everything out as she looks at greens face.  
  
_I know her, _Alaska confirms in her head, _but from where? _____  
  
She never locks eyes with her, but wants to so bad, hoping it'll somehow jog her memory.  
  
Trixie leans across the table. "The one in the green is Sharon, Sharon Needles. That's a fucking awesome last name to have right?" Trixie leans back without knowledge that she just caused Alaska's teen years of pain and heartbreak and regret to come rushing back at her words.  


  
Fuck.  



	3. I Have A Big Fat Lesbian Crush On You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello my darlings this is chapter 3 where we get to see Sharon's pov and Alaska and Sharon's first conversation. Have fun <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Christ this is a lot of fucks

  
_New York City, New York, 2016 ___  
  
At age 29, in the middle of a club, all Alaska Thunder can think is one word; Fuck.  
  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
  
Alaska whipped her head around to Trixie and leaned forward with an incredulous expression in her face.  
  
" _What _," she whispered, eyes wide, making sure she heard her right.__  
  
"Needles. Y'know 'sharing needles'? It's funny," she deadpanned.  
  
Katya looks over at her with concern written on her face as the song comes to an end. "Are you okay?"  
  
All Alaska says is, "Fuck."  
  
Trixie and Katya exchange a look of worry, while Shea and Sasha are completely oblivious, clapping like maniacs.  
  
"Don't Cha" starts playing but Alaska doesn't care. She looks at Sharon and studies her face. She's matured. She look different, good, happy. She still has that fucking cute dimple in her chin. Alaska looks down at the floor as Sharon's dance causes her to come closer to their table. Alaska can't leave now, it's too late, and Katya and Trixie know something's up.  
  
"Do you know her?"  
  
Alaska doesn't respond.  
  
_Fucking shit _, she thought again.__  
  
She looks up at Sharon only to find her looking straight at her with wide eyes. Alaska doesn't move. She stares straight into her eyes. Sharon turns away and quickly averts her eyes.  
  
Sharon most definitely recognizes Alaska. Her face looks the same. Her makeup is better. Her eyes are still beautiful, but they're looking at her sad and confused. Sharon notices that she's sitting with Katya and discreetly flips out. _What the fuck _, she thinks.__  
  
As her final song comes to an end, Sharon smiles and exits the stage with her group mates, not noticing Alaska leaving her table with a frantic Trixie and Katya following.  
  
"Shit," Sharon says once she sits down in the dressing room.  
  
Manila looks over at her while taking her hair down, eyebrows furrowed, "What's wrong, we did great?"  
  
"Alaska."  
  
All eyes in the room widened and moved to Sharon as Adore crossed behind a few chairs and crouched in front of Sharon's.  
  
"Are you okay Shar?" Adore asked tentatively with her hand on Sharon's shoulder. Manila, Raven, Juju, and Raja slowly eased their way to Sharon's seat to show sympathy.  
  
Sharon remembers telling them about Alaska a few months ago. Alaska, her beautiful bestfriend. Alaska, her crush. Alaska, the girl she pushed down feelings for in risk of being kicked out or losing their friendship. Alaska, the girl who was disgusted with her. The girls had listened to and comforted Sharon before a performance when she had been asked about her life before Aquaria, before New York.  
  
Sharon let her face sit in her hands for a few seconds before responding, "I looked into her eyes and everything came rushing back. I think she knows it's me. Fuck. Goddamn. Shit. Mother fuc-."  
  
"Hey, calm down. It'll be fine. At the worst things will go back to the way they were and you won't see her again," Raja tried to comfort her. God, her cousin was so wise sometimes, but that sometimes is most definitely not right now.  
  
"No you don't understand Raj, she was sitting with Katya, she obviously knows her somehow. And what if she goes back home and tells my parents where I am? Jesus Christ mother fuck shit."  
  
"Walk with me," Raja says, "alone." She holds her hand out for Sharon to take. Sharon accepts and Raja leads her into an empty back room. Sharon immediately starts pacing and tears well up in her eyes as she starts sniffing.  
  
"No, hey, none of that," Raja commands as she pulls Sharon into a hug, still in their uncomfortable work heels. Sharon digs her face into her shoulder and lets a few tears fall.  
  
"Stop baby, stop."  
  
Raja runs one hand through Sharon's hair while the other holds her back.  
  
"Oh my god. What am I gonna do? She's not gonna leave. She's either going to look for me or make my life hell." Raja grabs a tissue from the table beside them and dabs Sharon's eyes and face. "Don't ruin you makeup," she whispers, "you're going to be absolutely fine."  
  
"But you don't know that," Sharon insists quietly as she pulls away from Raja and sit on the table. Raja stays silent waiting for her to continue, she doesn't. Raja leans over and tugs on her cousins sweatshirt, "Wanna know something cool?" She asks with a mischievous smile on her face, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Sharon swipes under her nose with a tissue and looks up at Raja. "Anything to not focus on this."  
  
Raja continues, "Nila and I kissed." Sharon's mood switched off immediately as she shot up from her place on the table and grabs Raja's arms, looking at her excitedly.  
  
"What? When? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't _she _tell me?" Sharon's questions come a mile a minute.__  
  
"Slow down slow down," Raja insists, "it was only this morning after lunch and I've been waiting for a free moment with you.  
  
Sharon had known that her cousin and her best friend had been pining over each other since the first time she saw them in the same room together. When she first confronted Raja she denied it but with Sharon's constant nagging she finally caved in after a few weeks and expressed her passionate admiration of Manila and her cute as fuck smile. Sharon always caught Manila peeking at strangers jealously whenever Raja would flirt with someone at the club.  
  
"Are you dating? Are you going to date? Oh god I hope so. If you get married and have kids can I be both maids of honor and the god mom?" Sharon rambled on and on, eyebrows raised, completely forgetting about the thing that made her cry just minutes ago.  
  
A knock came at the door. Katya peeked her head in after a quick, "Come in."  
  
"Hey Sharon can I talk to you?" Sharon nodded tentatively and Katya scooted out of the doorway for Raja to walk through after giving Sharon a kiss on the forehead and a hand squeeze.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
Sharon knew exactly what was up, but Katya didn't need to know that.  
  
"Do you know an Alaska?" Katya shot out after she closed the door behind herself.  
  
"Knew."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Knew. I haven't known Alaska for thirteen years," Sharon answered, arms crossed.  
  
"Okay," Katya replied cautiously, not sure how to respond to that. She walked over to Sharon. "She's asking to talk to you."  
  
_Fuck. ___  
  
"I'd rather not, thanks," Sharon replies with her head down and alternating her weight on each foot.  
  
"No Sharon, she was basically forcing her way backstage. She's insisting to talk to you, she made me promise that you would. You know I don't break pinky promises."  
  
Sharon shook her head at Katya's antics as the door banged open again. Alaska. Out of breath and being held by Juju and Adore.  
  
Everyone was still. Alaska stared at her, wide eyed, while Sharon looked at the space beside herself, gulping.  
  
"Katya, please leave. Adore and Juju too," Sharon insisted.  
  
Alaska's eyebrows rose as Katya looked Sharon dead in the eyes, "Shar are you sure?"  
  
Sharon's eyes flickered over to Alaska's and back to Katya's. "Please." Katya pushed Juju and Adore out and closed the door behind herself. Alaska took a few steps closer.  
  
They stood in a deafening silence for what felt like days, Alaska staring at Sharon, Sharon looking at Alaska.  
  
"How'd you find me?" Sharon started, leaning against the table.  
  
"I didn't." Silence again.  
  
"How'd you end up here?"  
  
"Katya invited me. I moved in next to her and she invited me last night." Sharon's eyebrows shot up.  
  
"You moved in next to Katya and Trixie? By Yourself? Goddamn I live in one with a roommate and it's still expensive. To be fair she can't work yet so..."  
  
"I'm sorry, you live where now?" Alaska leaned forward, connecting the dots.  
  
Sharon sighed. "Down the street from Katya. What a coincidence."  
  
"Oh," Jesus Christ himself must be mind controlling them because they have absolutely everything to say, and nothing at all, "so this is where you ended up."  
  
"Yeah when this," Sharon made hand motions toward her stomach, "happened, they sent me here to live with Raja and Raven. I was really lucky. My parents didn't know they were gay, but I could be myself there. Gay and all."  
  
"I'm proud of you."  
  
Sharon didn't reply. She was waiting for Alaska to say it. Just ask it, she thought.  
  
"Spit it out."  
  
"Where's the kid?" Alaska replied without missing a beat.  
  
"At home, with my friend Jinkx from across the street."  
  
"Oh." Alaska realized she didn't have anything to say.  
  
"Her name's Aquaria."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Sharon scoffed. "Wow, you know my kids alive for ten seconds and you're already reading her." Alaska raised her eyebrows, ignoring Sharon's comment. "She's an Aquarius and I thought it was cute."  
  
Alaska, satisfied with the answer, nodded and continued her interrogation.  
  
"Why'd you dye your hair?"  
  
" _That's _your pressing question? You haven't seen me in thirteen years and you're asking why I dyed my hair?" Sharon asked with raised eyebrows.__  
  
"Why are you so pissed at me?"  
  
"Why were you pissed at me for being like this when I came to you with an unfixable problem and you just stared at me like I was a slut?" Sharon spat. She had to get that out now. She's been holding it in too long.  
  
"You really wanna know?" This is it, Alaska thought.  
  
"Yeah, tell me," Sharon said challengingly, uncrossing her arms.  
  
Alaska stared at her and gulped, "Maybe..."  
  
"Maybe _what _?" Sharon spits harshly.__  
  
Alaska's brain hit the gas pedal.  
  
"Maybe I was in love with you, that's why. Maybe I was selfish and I was stupid. All I could think was that you didn't love me like I loved you. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry," Alaska expressed, "but I can't help my love for you and jealousy towards anyone else that touches you."  
  
Sharon's mouth was gaping and she took a breath. She was also staring directly into Alaska's soul, which freaked her out quite a bit.  
  
Sharon scratched her right eye, smudging her makeup, and gripped the table while looking away from Alaska.  
  
"You loved me?"  
  
"I loved you," Alaska said, voice breaking and tears welling in her eyes. "I loved you."  
  
Sharon looked back up at her words and her lip started to tremble as she clasped her hands behind her neck, trying to escape the moment.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever met." Alaska quickly became frantic at Sharon's tears.  
  
Sharon took a heavy breath and admitted deeply, "I loved you too."  
  
Alaska's breath hitched. "What?" She choked out.  
  
"I never admitted it to myself until I could actually be myself. I-I loved you." Sharon let it go. She had never gotten over Alaska. Not after her reaction to her pregnancy, not after Aquaria was born, not now. Sharon wouldn't say this, though. She couldn't.  
  
"Sharon." It was Adore. "Something's wrong with Aquaria. Jinkx couldn't get ahold of you."  
  
Sharon looks up at her frantically, her mom instincts kicking in. "What?" She strides to the door. "Where is she?" She demands.  
  
"Jinkx has her in the dressingroom. She's vomiting like crazy, girl."  
  
Sharon rushed out the door with Alaska and Adore following.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I was wondering two things.
> 
> 1\. Would you like links to outfits that I describe later?
> 
> 2\. Would anyone like a "Crazy Rich Asians" type trixya fic?
> 
> Thanks


	4. She's Not Really Okay But She Definitely Tries Her Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see what's wrong with our baby Aquaria and there are several heart to hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am so so sorry about how late this is. For the past week I've been trying to get as much sleep as I can which means I push a lot of my homework towards the morning bus which is when I usually write. I'll try not to procrastinate more after my first APHG test. Again I'm so sorry. Happy Reading my dears!!!

  


###  She's Not Really Okay But She Definitely Tries Her Best

###    


  
_New York City, New York, 2016 _  
  
At age 29, Sharon Needles was sure of one thing; she was about to bust down some motherfucking doors to get to her baby.  
Sharon strides down the hallway and into the dressing room where she finds Manila, Raja, Raven, Jujubee, and Jinkx huddled in a corner surrounding her daughter who was currently having semi-violent waves of nausea course through her and into a trash can.  
  
With Alaska and Adore closely trailing behind her, she rushed through her friends to grab her child.  
  
"Aquaria," she exclaimed in worry. She flipped her head around to Jinkx while taking Raven's place in holding her bundles of blonde hair out of her face. "What the hell happened?"  
  
Jinkx shrugged lightly. "I went to go grab her for dinner and she was just throwing up in the bathroom."  
  
Sharon bit her lip and flipped back around to rub her daughters back. She sighed and watched Aquarias eyes clench shut as she heaved again.  
  
"Hey, Shar, do you need us to do anything?" Adore asked.  
  
"Yeah whatever you need." Juju offered.  
  
"You guys can go. I know you have a date with Bianca tonight." Sharon kept her eyes closed and hands moving while Adore smiled lightly at her. Adore, Raja, Manila, Juju, and Raven started towards the door with their stuff.  
  
"Thanks, text me if you need anything. I'm serious," Adore whispered, cringing as Aquaria vomited again, and waved bye with the rest of the girls.  
  
"Call me later," Raja said sternly before walking out.  
  
"Alaska, do you have a ride home?" Sharon questioned once it was just the two of them and Jinkx. She looked up at her and halted her hands.  
  
"Yeah I can just order another uber," Alaska answered nonchalantly.  
  
"No-no don't do that. You shouldn't have to pay anymore," Sharon furrowed her brows at her, "I know Katya and Trixie have to stay here until closing. Hmm. Jinkx could you take her home? I've got to take Aquaria to the doctor."  
  
Jinkx looked apologetically at both of them. "I'm so sorry. I told Ivy I'd come over tonight when you got back."  
  
Sharon shook her head and waved her away. "No it's fine, Alaska you could come with me if you don't mind waiting an extra thirty minutes," Sharon offered hesitantly, remembering their previous conversation.  
  
Alaska nodded at Sharon as Aquaria leaned over and heaved again.  
  
"Okay."  
  
As Jinkx said her goodbyes and flew out of the room on her metaphorical witch broom, Trixie and Katya entered, heels muffled by the thin red and beige carpet on the floor, a disastrous design choice Katya had insisted on.  
  
"Hey," Trixie started quietly, wringing her hands together, "Are you guys good? Is Aquaria okay?"  
  
"Yeah we're fine," Sharon answered for them while throwing Aquaria's hair into a loose bun and standing to gather her makeup and clothes into her bags, "I'm taking Aquaria to the doctor. Alaska's coming with me."  
  
"Oh okay. I guess it's a good night for me to close, huh," Katya remarked and swung her arms as _All The Things She Said _echoed softly down the hall from the speakers in the main room.  
  
"Come on baby," Sharon encouraged, trying to haul Aquaria to her feet without dropping the trash can. Alaska quickly grabs Sharon's bags as they began to tumble out of her hands. She muttered a quick thank you without meeting her eyes and held on to her thirteen year old by the waist and upper arm, leading her out of the room.  
  
"Bye I guess," Katya called.  
  
"Feel better Aquaria," Trixie waved and smiled as Alaska followed Sharon towards the back exit.  
  
"Byeeeee."  
  
Sharon led them into the parking lot behind the building and towards a black Subaru while clicking her keys to unlock it. Sharon opened the trunk for Alaska and she dumped the bags in as gently as she could. "Could you watch her for just one second? Thanks," Sharon said before she could respond. Alaska watched her rummage around the back seat and lay out towels in case of an accident. Sharon jogged a few feet back over to her to grab her daughter and take her to the seat, letting her in gently.  
  
Alaska took the passenger seat and was immediately hit with the fact that before the Aquaria incident, Sharon had been professing her love for her. Alaska watched the other girl get in the car in her peripheral vision, suddenly nervous to glance in her direction, while pulling out her buzzing phone.  
  
As it was Courtney, she picked up the call and spoke softly although the car was quiet enough for anyone to hear her with or without her change in voice.  
  
_How's it going, whore? _Willam asked before any greetings. Formal greetings, that is. For context this is a completely normal greeting for anyone who even barely knew Willam.  
  
"How'd you get Courtney's phone?" Alaska could see Sharon quickly looking at her confusedly.  
  
_She's in the bathroom. Probably shitting. We're about to go out for dinner. _  
  
Alaska giggled in her low voice. "I don't think Courtney's body is big enough to hold any organs, let alone shit."  
  
_"You know what Lasky, you're completely right. She's never told me a shitting story. I've got one from everyone but her. _  
  
Sharon snorted at Williams voice that carried through the car.  
  
_"Wait you whore. Who are you with, my Alaska doesn't snort? _  
  
"Just an old friend," Alaska answers for her wistfully.  
  
_Ooh an ex. I didn't know you did that now, Lasky. Willam assumed. _  
  
Alaska shook her head at Williams stupidity. "Wow. Sorry mom. I didn't know I couldn't date until I was forty."  
  
_You're fucking grounded. ___  
  
Alaska rolled her eyes and Aquaria heaved again.  
  
_What the hell was that? _  
  
"Vomit. Sorry Willam I've gotta go. Bye have fun on your date. Tell Courtney I said hi."  
Alaska hit end call as they neared the 24 hour emergency doctor. She saw Sharon look at her and she locked eyes with her.  
  
"Who was that?" Sharon questioned, voice free of judgement, "They called you whore and was Alaska your mom. So I'm gonna guess... oh! Collage roommate.  
  
"Spot on," Alaska chuckled, "Her name's Willam. Her and Courtney were supposed to move here with me actually but at the last second they bailed and went to Cali instead."  
  
Sharon looked at her sympathetically before quickly looking back at the road. "That kinda sucks."  
  
"Yeah I guess, but it's all good now. I have my townhouse for the next month without having to pay rent. It's only my second night here and it's been so eventful..." Alaska trailed off. She wanted desperately to continue their conversation from before, but Aquaria was in the car so that was a big no-no.  
  
As Sharon parked the car Alaska walked inside to ask when the next opening was because they have a patient who's been vomiting for at least an hour. The receptionist, Jaymes, showed her surprise and sympathy before writing her down for the next slot which was right now. Sharon brought Aquaria in slowly as Jaymes began leading Alaska down the hall, beckoning Sharon to follow as fast as she could with Aquaria leaning most of her weight onto her.  
  
Sharon took Aquaria to one seat in the room and insisting Alaska have the other. Sharon slid down the wall next to Aquarias chair and grabbed her hand, leaning her head against the wall and closing her eyes.  
  
"Mama."  
  
This took Sharon by surprise as Aquaria hasn't said anything since she first saw her that night. She quickly looked up at Aquaria sadly and kneeled by her chair.  
  
"Oh baby. Are you okay? When did this start?" Sharon was frantic and Aquaria tried to calm her down.  
  
She looked at her mom and smiled lightly. "It just started tonight don't worry."  
  
Alaska watched Sharon sigh and Aquaria look over at her. "Who's this, mama?" She looked at Alaska quizzically. Alaska smiled shyly at her.  
  
"This is Alaska," Aquaria nodded and her eyes became bright.  
  
"Oh wait! Is she the one from high school?" Aquaria flipped her long black hair back around to her mom as she nodded. Alaska smiled at the thought of Sharon telling Aquaria about her.  
  
Sharon chuckled lightly, "Yeah this is her." She made eye contact with Alaska and and felt her heart flutter.  
  
"Nice to meet you," Alaska drawled and stuck her hand out.  
  
"Hi, I've heard a lot about you," Aquaria smiled at her and shook her hand lightly, still feeling ill.  
  
Alaska's eyes flickered over to Sharon and spotted her light blush. As she was about to say something a nurse came in.  
  
"Hello! I'm nurse Dela," She said cheerfully. And set a clipboard on the counter. "So who do we have here?"  
  
Sharon stepped in, "This is my daughter Aquaria, she's been throwing up all night and we don't know why," she said gently.  
  
Nurse dela handed over a small trash can from the corner of the room. "Alright then. Well take this in case of an accident. Now I'm just going to ask you a few questions, Aquaria."  
  
Aquaria nodded and Dela continued. "When did this start?"  
  
"Just tonight." Dela scribbled something down and continued, "Okay has anything been hurting?"  
  
"Yes my stomach is killing me," Aquaria answered quickly before leaning over the bin.  
  
"Alright dear, now this is going to be a bit of an awkward one for mom here. Have you been sexually active?" The nurse asked and Alaska barely stifled her laugh at Sharon's expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were piercing deep into Aquarias soul. Lets just say Alaska wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that look if she could keep it that way.  
  
"No I have _not _," Aquaria directed towards her mom. Sharon looked away and her eyes met Alaska's restrained face and she scrunched her eyebrows together before smiling lightly.  
  
"Okay well I'm going to go talk with the doctor and I'll be back in a few minutes." Dela exited the room and Aquaria stood up.  
  
"I'm going to the bathroom."  
  
"Okay I'll come with," Sharon insisted.  
  
"Mom I'm 13," Aquaria defended in a bratty voice.  
  
"Aquaria you couldn't stand on your own twenty minutes ago," Sharon retorted in the same tone. Aquaria rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'm fine I swear."  
  
"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you when you're laying down in your own vomit."  
  
When Aquaria left the two women were enveloped in silence. Sharon wanted to bring up the conversation from earlier. Alaska however felt like shoving that bitch as far away as she could.  
  
"She acts like you."  
  
"I'd assume so. I'm pretty much the only one she's lived with for thirteen years." Sharon stood from the ground and plopped into Aquarias deserted chair.  
  
"How long?" Alaska asked, trying to get it out of the way.  
  
"How long what?"  
  
"How long were you in love with me?" She finally met Sharon's eyes. She saw fear and hesitation.  
  
"So long Alaska," Sharon croaked, "but you have to understand. I couldn't love you. I-." Sharon stopped. "You couldn't love me back. It seemed impossible. Insane. The most beautiful and loving girl I've ever met is in love with me? He just...he helped me forget," Sharon admitted, referring to her old boyfriend.  
  
"He's dead you know."  
  
Sharon scoffed, "Of course he is."  
  
"He overdosed in senior year outside during lunch."  
  
"Were _you _okay?"  
  
Alaska didn't answer. After a few minutes she opened and closed her mouth multiple times to find the right words.  
  
"Sharon I need you to know something right now. Whether of not you ever want to see me again. If I don't tell you now I don't think I ever will." Sharon looked at her concerned. "I've always loved you. Whether or not you thought I did. Even when you told me about Aquaria I-I was just so upset but I _loved _you and it never really stopped. I don't think it could. You were my first love, you just didn't know it." Her voice cracked but she didn't tear up (thankfully).  
  
She gazed into Sharon's surprised eyes. She had her eyebrows raised and she could see tears forming. She opened her mouth hastily to speak and the door opened. Sharon quickly leaned back but kept her eyes on Alaska's.  
  
"Alright Ms. Needles and co.," Dela started. Sharon quickly looked over at the nurse and stood up. "It seems Aquaria has severe appendicitis and it needs to be removed quickly before it explodes."  
  
Aquaria entered the room, "My stomach is going to what now?" She asked before downing a cup of water, hoping to rinse her mouth out.  
  
"Now? We neeed to go now?" Sharon clarified.  
  
"Yes I'm afraid it really can't wait. We can call an ambulance if you'd like is too."  
  
Alaska looked over st Sharon and saw the silent panic she'd seen so many times as a child. "Yeah let's do that," Alaska butted in. Dela nodded and walked out the door. Aquaria jumped up on the patient table and looked at her mom.  
  
"You have to get home," Sharon realized and looked up at her.  
  
Alaska shook her head. "No Shaz I'm fine and you're panicking." Sharon raised her eyebrows in recognition at the nickname.  
  
"Are you sure you want to come?"  
  
"No but I'm sure that you need help and Aquaria comes first right now." Alaska looked up at Aquaria and found her looking at her strangely with her head cocked to the side.  
  
Sharon stood and grabbed her bag, "Alright I guess I'm leaving my car here tonight." Alaska smiled. "But do you want to change first? I have clothes in the car." Alaska looked down at her tight dress and nodded.  
  
Alaska and Aquaria were left alone as Sharon had gone to grab a change of clothes.  
  
"My mom told me about you," Aquaria said, drawing Alaska's attention from the floor in front of her.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah. She said you were the first person she's ever really loved." Alaska looked up at her with a small smile, "I loved her."  
  
Aquaria took a breath and squinted at Alaska. "Alright I'm not trying to interrogate you but I can still see that you love my mom." Alaska looked up in surprise. "It's the way you look at her. It's the same way Aunt Raja looks at Manila and Aunt Katya looks at Aunt Trixie. I'm not going to let you hurt her again. Whenever she brings up her life before I was born she talks about you. I know she might never admit it but she still loves you too. The way she's talked about you and the way she looks at pictures of you. It's just..."  
  
Silence. Alaska wants to say a thousand words but none could measure up. She's looking at Aquaria with such intensity that even fucking murder couldn't make their eyes stray. Aquaria opens her mouth again.  
  
"I love my mom. She is my absolute favorite person. She has built herself from the ground up and if you take that away from her I swear to god Alaska."  
  
"You're right," Alaska states. "Everything."  
  
Aquaria nods in satisfaction and Sharon opens the door. "Hey guys how's it going in here?" She obviously notices the tension. Anyone could tell from miles away that a bomb of emotion for her mom coursed through Aquaria. Much like the nausea that came seconds later.  
  
"Good." Alaska stood up as Sharon handed her the clothes and went to change.  
  
The door shut behind Alaska and Sharon turned to her daughter who was setting the trash can back down. "What did you say?"  
  
"I like her," Aquaria ignored the question.  
  
Sharon cocked an eyebrow, "What's that supposed to mean?" Aquaria scoffed and stood up. "She's good for you."  
  
Sharon was surprised. She knew her daughter could read people but not that fast.  
  
Sirens approached and Alaska came back from the bathroom, now clad in a grey t-shirt, black sports bra, and dark blue sweatpants. "Hey guys they're here."  
  
"Activate stomach removal," Aquaria said robotically. They walked out the door.  
______________________


	5. Carve My Bones And Use Them As Forks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright ladies, gents, and everything in between time to switch gears and focus on another part of the plot. This chapter is Trixya centric and I've had this idea in my head since I started this. Enjoy :)
> 
> P.S.: sorry about the font I don't know why it's like this, I'm probably just stupid.

### Carve My Bones And Use Them As Forks

###    
_Sunnyside Queens, New York, 2016_  
  
At age 27, Trixie Mattel was currently only sure of two things; her girlfriend of six years absolutely _never _wanted children, and... she was pregnant.__  
  
If you look closely, you may see why this could be a problem.  
  
Trixie remembers distinctly that five years ago her girlfriend, Katya (then Brian), said that she was a little wary of marriage but has always disliked children, therefore she never wanted any. They had been watching watching re-runs of Greys Anatomy when Christina- well you know. Spoilers.  
  
At that point in time Trixie was too caught up in just the love aspect, never thinking of the future and whether or not she wanted kids, so she had just nodded and agreed and they never discussed it again.  
  
Our current Trixie, however, is sat on the toilet lid with her head in her hands sniffling. It's well past 1:00 am and her old old girlfriend (34) had passed out in the next room about an hour ago when they got home from closing up.  
  
She wanted to scream and sob. At the child growing in her uterus, at Katya for knocking her up, at herself because she stopped taking the pill, at Katya's doctors for telling them Katya couldn't get Trixie pregnant.  
  
She mentally scolded the baby in her stomach and glared down at it. Trixie didn't really want children but she didn't really not want them either. But she couldn't get rid of it now that she knows. She's already tethered to it.  
  
_Stop stop stop. You don't want this child. You'll end up sad and alone like you always thought you would._  
  
Katya would leave her, she concluded.  
  
She picked up the four pregnancy tests; three positive, one negative. She put the boxes inside one another and wrapped everything in toilet paper. Trixie dried her eyes and unlocked the door.  
  
She knew this was happening. She knew it. The signs had been thereThank god Katya had been going into work early for kiddy gymnastics classes and to set up the club early because she missed Trixie throwing up.  
  
After taking garbage out of the kitchen trashcan and stuffing the boxes towards the bottom, she picked up her phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
There was a quiet, _Hey Trixie, it's Alaska. Did I wake you up, sorry._  
  
"No no I was still up," she said, scratching her head.  
  
_Oh okay good. Listen, Sharon wanted me to tell you or Katya or whoever that she won't be able to come home fore the next few days because Aquaria has appendicitis and she has to stay with her._  
  
"Oh no. Tell Aquaria I'm sorry when you get a chance. Katya's asleep right now so I'll tell her in the morning."  
  
She quickly brought the phone away from her ear to check the time, 1:58, and noticed Alaska was calling from Sharon's phone.  
  
"Hey where's Sharon?"  
  
_Oh she just went to sleep in Aquaria's room. She's in surgery right now and I just stepped out. But anyway, goodnight. I'm gonna get some coffee in case there's an update or if I can leave or whatever._  
  
Trixie thought quick, "Hey do you want me to come pick you up? I'm wide awake and need to do literally anything, besides, I know you probably don't want to hangout in a cold hospital room all morning."  
  
_Really are you sure? I'll just have to tell Sharon._  
  
"Yeah of course," Trixie waved off.  
  
_Thanks I'll see you soon._  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Trixie pulled her car up to the hospital and Alaska hopped in.  
  
"Thanks, again."  
  
"No problem. So what's up?"  
  
Alaska's eyes flickered between hers and her own hands gripping her phone tightly.  
  
"We talked," she started slowly, "I'm assuming she told you about me." Trixie nodded and Alaska continued. "We just basically told each other the truth about how we felt-," she vaguely drawled.  
  
"And how's that?"  
  
"Lovingly, since you asked."  
  
Trixie lightly smiled. "Katya and her may share two businesses, but I know her better. Sharon actually introduced us. She met me through Manila, Raja's friend, a few months after she got here. We lived together for awhile until Katya moved in down the street and we started dating."  
  
Alaska looked over at her and nodded.  
  
"I'm glad you like her," Trixie continued.  
  
"Are you okay?" Alaska questioned. Trixie stiffened.  
  
Alaska had always been able to read people well. She herself was hard for others to read which was to her benefit. But something was off with Trixie. She was different than how she was when they'd met only hours before.  
  
"Yeah just tired," Trixie excused.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Trixie looked out he window and bit her bottom lip. "No," her voice quivered.  
  
"Trixie-" Alaska shook her head.  
  
"But I can't tell you why. I can't," she whispered, her voice cracking.  
  
Alaska nodded sympathetically. "Okay. Is it something you can fix?"  
  
"Alaska no offense but you don't know me. I can't fix it and _you _can't fix it." Alaska turned away from Trixie back towards the dashboard.__  
  
"Listen," she started, still staring out the front window, "I may not know you, but I'm a great friend and confidante. So if you want to, in the future, tell me, then I'll listen and I won't share it with everyone." She pauses. "I've learned in the past few months, especially tonight, that asking for help and sharing your feelings may help a lot."  
  
Trixie kept her hands gripped on the wheel tight. Her knuckles were light and her eyes teared up. She shook her head, "You don't understand Alaska, I can't-" she took a deep breath and kept her head level, "I'm pregnant." It was the first time she'd said it out loud and it was to someone she'd met only hours before.  
  
Alaska's eyes widened slightly, trying to hide her surprise. "You cheated on Katya?"Her voice was even and unaccusing.  
  
Trixie whipped her head towards her then back towards the road. " _What _? No! Katya's trans! I wouldn't do that, I could never." She shook her head.__  
  
"Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't know."  
  
Trixie took a deep breath, "No it's fine." It was silent. This was when Alaska realized that this had happened twice, she was the first told of a pregnancy twice.  
  
"So you don't want kids?" Trixie's face scrunched up.  
  
"I mean... Katya doesn't. We talked about this awhile ago."  
  
"But you changed your mind, didn't you?"  
  
"I mean, I'm twenty seven. I don't really want kids after I'm 35."  
  
"Couldn't she change her mind too?" Trixie stayed silent.  
  
"Do you want kids with Katya?"  
  
"Yeah," she said regretfully, "We're lesbians. Lesbians Alaska. The fact that we can have biological children from both of us without going through tons of shit is a fucking miracle. I just... I don't know. And I don't want to get rid of it so I'm kind of freaking out."  
  
"You know Trixie she might have changed her mind. Or she might now if you tell her. If you think she's gonna leave you anyway you might as well give her a chance to think."  
  
They pulled down their street, "You know what? You're right. Thanks Alaska," she said softly.  
  
"Anytime." Alaska got out of the car and Trixie parked next door. She walked into her room quietly and looked over towards the clock. 2:46. She chimed into bed in her pink shorts and tank top.  
  
Katya grunted and rolled over, throwing her arms over Trixie. "Where'd you go?" She asked sleepily.  
  
"I'll tell you in the morning, get some sleep," she kissed Katya's head and cuddled into her.  
  
"Okay," she replied stupidly with a smile on her face.  
  
Maybe they did have a chance.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The next day flew by for Alaska who was unpacking her boxes and listening to music on blast.  
  
Sharon however was not as lucky. She had been cooped up in Aquaria's hospital room waiting for her to recover. Aquaria had gotten back around 6 am and Sharon had been woken up by the nurse and was told of Aquarias return. Aquaria had slept for all twelve hours she had been back and Sharon was very thankful Katya was coming to visit soon.  
  
"Privyet Shaz. 'Tis I, your favorite Russian hooker," Katya announced with a flourish.  
  
"Thank god. I've been alone all day."  
  
"Oh yeah of course I'd come you little bitch."  
  
Sharon smiled and stood up to hug her. Sharon isn't very emotionally open, you see. So these small intimate moments with her close friends were really something.  
  
"Um, Sharon?" Katya started hesitantly. Sharon noticed her shift in mood and sat her down next to her.  
  
"Yeah? Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah I'm fine it's just... I think something's wrong with Trixie. I know you two are closer and I was wondering if she's said anything or if she's been acting different."  
  
Sharon was surprised. Trixie surely would tell her if something was wrong... right?  
  
Sharon has known Trixie since before Aquaria and she's been her best friend since she'd thought Alaska hated her. She's Aquaria's godmother.  
  
She shook her head at Katya apologetically, "Not really. I can ask her if something's up though if you want me to. I might anyways though."  
  
Katya bit her lip and furrowed her brows. "No I'll just... give it a few days and then I'll ask. But anyway, that's not what I'm here to do. How's Aquaria been?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Days did pass and Trixie stayed the same. She avoided Katya, her calls, cuddles, conversations, whatever, but Katya was worried. She had called Sharon after Aquaria had been discharged to ask her to talk to Trixie, she had been too worried herself to do it.  
  
Trixie had increasingly spent time out of the house when Katya was home, she'd told her, whether it be at Alaska's or Kim's, just not with her.  
  
When Sharon had brought Aquaria home she left her alone in the house to walk over to Trixie and Katya's.  
  
"Open up Mattel."  
  
Sharon knocked on the door for an impressive amount of time before Trixie gave in and opened up. "What Sharon?"  
  
"What's up with you? I've been told that you're mopey-," Sharon pushed by her into her house with her arms crossed. She turned to face Trixie, "- I've heard that you're avoiding Katya and only her. Why would you avoid Katya of all people?"  
  
Trixie looked at her incredulously.  
  
"I have not," she insisted sharply.  
  
"What do you mean you haven't? You've been spending all of your time at Alaska's or Kim's. You haven't had sex in a week."  
  
Trixie closed the door and walked towards Sharon who was now hovering in her kitchen. "And why the fuck do you care about my sex life? She had no right to tell you-"  
  
"Uh-uh no no," Sharon wagged her finger, "That woman is _worried _about you Trix. You can't decide what she tells me anyway." Trixie turned away from Sharon and leaned her arms onto the counter.__  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I can't tell you. I want to tell her and if I tell you then you'll tell her," she says softly.  
  
"Fine then, but why have you been going to Alaska's when you barely know her?" Trixie didn't move.  
  
"Trix. Trixie," she said before realization. " _Trixie. _Does Alaska know?"__  
  
She turned towards Sharon and tried to sink into the counter with her eyes closed. "Trixie..." she whispers. Sharon is hurt. She's hurt. "What does she know?"  
  
A tear rolls down Trixie's cheek which sets off Sharon's tear ducts. "You've known her for four days Trixie, four. Why the hell can't you tell me?"  
  
"Because Sharon," she starts loudly, "You know me. You'll just judge me. You'll have opinions that aren't any of your business. And it doesn't matter if you say you don't judge because _everyone _has an opinion. Everyone. I mean I even had opinions of you when _you _were pregnant-"____  
  
"Wait what? Trixie you're pregnant?" She asks.  
  
Trixie's eyes widen as she realizes her mistake. "What? No-Fuck shit," She mutters.  
  
"You are?" She asks hopefully. Trixie's eyes meet hers and suddenly she's sobbing into Sharon's arms. "Trixie wait," she holds her out too look her in the eyes, "that's great what's the problem?"  
  
Trixie's hands grab Sharon's forearms tightly. "Katya might leave me." Sharon thinks she's absolutely insane.  
  
"What? Why? Is it not hers?"  
  
"Oh my god _no _, why does everyone think that?" She pauses, "Sharon, Katya told me she doesn't want kids. She hates them." Sharon snorts despite the problematic mood. "And you think that Katya, the absolute nicest person I've _ever _met, the Katya that _loves _you, would leave you when you're having her child?"______  
  
Trixie loosens her grip and looks at the floor. "Well when you put it like that." She sniffs her nose and turns to get a tissue to wipe her tears.  
  
Sharon laughs again and pulls a now dry eyed Trixie into another hug. "Oh my god, you cunt, you're an idiot. An absolute idiot."  



	6. Maybe You Should Stay A Bit Longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm soooo sorry but here it is! Chapter 6 where you get a lot of Shalaska interaction and Trixya revelations. Enjoy :)

  


### Maybe You Should Stay a Bit Longer

  
  
 _New York City, New York, 2016_  
  
At age 29, Alaska Thunder wasn't really sure of anything. In the past few days her whole life had been flipped upside down and she didn't know how to turn it back. Or if she wanted to.  
  
Our dear Lasky is currently strolling the crowded midday streets of New York City looking for a help wanted ad. She's been out for at least half an hour. During her short travels she had encountered a coffee shop that didn't pay nearly enough for her townhouse, but she bought a piping cup to keep her warm anyway. Now, while wandering at 12:30, she's found herself in front of a bar with a closed sign but also with a door ajar. It was painted light blue with gold animal and plant stickers stuck on each window payne.  
  
 _The Whale_  
  
And also  
  
 _Help wanted_  
  
Well well well, look what we have here fuckaroo.  
  
Alaska took a step towards the door and took a tentative step in.  
  
"Hello?" She tried, pulling the heavy door closed behind her.  
  
A woman peeked her head up from under the bar counter.  
  
"Hello, my darling," her eyebrows rose in surprise and her mouth widened into a smile at Alaska's voice.  
  
This woman was... strange to say the least. She was dressed in a few wacky patterns and her sweater had the bars whale on it. But her vibe was homey and Alaska kind of lived for it. She also couldn't judge her because she used to dress like that, maybe in preschool, but she still did dress like that.  
  
"I'm here about the help wanted sign. Are you still hiring?" Alaska took a few steps closer to the blonde woman and put her hands on a bar seat, her piled hair hitting the overhang full of short colorful glasses.  
  
"Yes indeed," she responded with a wobble of her head, "You are...?"  
  
"Alaska."  
  
"Well then, my name is Tammie Brown, Tammie with an I-E and welcome to The Whale." She comes around the bar and pulls Alaska close. She can see her small sea shell earrings and smell her palm scented perfume. Alaska internally giggled at a noise machine distantly playing quiet whale noises in a storage closet somewhere.  
  
"Well first before we do any business business," Tammie starts, pulling away from Alaska gently and leading her to a table, "Let me tell you about the time I saw a dead body."  
  
-  
  
After accepting the offer of a sandwich, drink, job, and finally another hug from Tammie, Alaska found herself in front of the only other place she really knew well that served alcohol.  
  
"Hey," Alaska said quietly, placing her purse down on the table nearest the bar.  
  
"Hey," Sharon echoed while wiping down the already squeaky clean bar top. "You know we're closed."  
  
"Not to me?" Alaska replied quietly. With a quick and over exaggerated bat of her eyelashes, Sharon gave in with a cute smile.  
  
"So, what'll it be?"  
  
"Whatever, I don't care," Alaska said sleepily as she sat down with her head in her hands.  
  
Alaska had had a long and confusing and slightly boring conversation with Tammie about how the bar donates money to saving the whales. They also discussed several of Tammies favorite drinks like "children in nature", a whiskey, honey, and fruit juice mix that Alaska thought sounded particularly endearing, "Tootsie Loo", a vodka and lemonade mix that shone a bright blue, and the wide range of rum "Teletubbies" that come in several different facinating colors.  
  
Sharon handed her a club soda with lime and went on talking about her day so far as Alaska closed her eyes and let the world fade away.  
  
Alaska woke with a jump when Sharon grabbed her shoulder.  
  
"Woah, Lasky, calm down it's just me. You fell asleep while I was talking like two hours ago. It was great, you didn't even move. I thought you were dead and had to make sure you were breathing."  
  
Alaska scrunched her eyes groggily and huffed loudly. "Tired."  
  
"Come on sleepy, we're about to start rehearsal so do you want to sleep in the back or stay out here?" Sharon asked quietly with her hand on Alaska's shoulder.  
  
Alaska patted the table and put her head back down.  
  
"Okay well musics gonna be loud later so don't be surprised."  
  
"Ah I'm used to it, collage parties, you know."  
  
Sharon patted her back and stepped away as Katya and Manila walked in from the back. The former was clad in tight leggings that Katya obviously cut off at the calf herself and a red sequined sports bra with two tiny hands hot glued to the front. Sharon's random metal band t-shirt and shorts that ominously just said "gun" on the butt in comic sans went perfectly together with it.  
  
"Alright 1. 2. 3." Sharon counted. No music played as they went through the beats at tempo. Manilas loose black t-shirt dress bobbed over her pineapple covered pink leggings.  
  
"Sweet, sugar, candy man," Sharon said loudly. To Alaska's tired monkey brain it looked like they we playing leap frog standing up, all about to jump over each other at once.  
  
"He's a sweet talkin, sugar coated candyman. Sweet talking, sugar coated candyman."  
  
To Alaska's surprise, they started tap dancing. She didn't even hear the click of them as they walked on stage.  
  
Considering the new and definately improved Sharon Needles, Alaska leaned back in her chair. She was hot. No, not hot, smokin'. Like so smokin'. She was also more agile. Her body was different. She had to work out often enough to preform almost every night in _heels._  
  
 _I guess drag queens do it though._  
  
At that moment the door opened and in stepped Trixie. Clad in a pink dress with cartoon cowboys on it, she made eye contact with Alaska and walked over. As she sat herself down in a chair music started playing over the speakers and the girls danced fast paced.  
  
"Hey," Alaska said tentatively.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Trixie seemed to radiate anxiety and Alaska definately felt it. Trixie was staring down at the table and occasionally flicking her eyes up to the dancers before looking back down again.  
  
As Alaska continued to stare at Trixie with a concerning gaze, Trixie grabbed her hand and let it go quickly. Alaska responded by laying her hand on Trixie's knee. The music ended for the fourth time and the three exited the stage for a break. Trixie quickly threw a smile on her face and leaned to peck Katya on the lips.  
  
"Hey baby," Katya said, pulling Trixie into a hug.  
  
Trixie squirmed, "Ew. No, Katya, you're so sweaty. Get off."  
  
Katya laughed outright and turned to Alaska after letting go of her girlfriend.  
  
"So, Shaz tells me that you fell asleep over at the bar earlier. Why were you so tired? Was it a hookup? It was a hookup I bet, you whore."  
  
Alaska smiled widely back at Katya, "No I just had the most boring and simultaneously most interesting job interview. She was nice, I got the job, whatever," she drawled.  
  
Sharon looked over at her and opened her mouth, "You did? Where?"  
  
"The Whale. Do you know it?"  
  
Manila spoke for the first time. "Oh Tammies place?" She asked excitedly, "I used to work there. I made a mean telletubby back in the day."  
  
"Oh please," Sharon interjected, "you aren't that old. I'm the one with the grey hair anyways."  
  
"Yeah but it's dyed, you bat," Katya chimed in.  
  
"Whatever," Sharon turned back to Alaska, "so you got the job? Congratulations."  
  
"Thanks, I need something if I'm going to be able to keep the house."  
  
"Well if you ever need a place to stay..."  
  
Alaska softly smiled at Sharon. She didn't miss the other girls making communicative eye contact next to her, that made her smile a little more.  
  
"How's my niece?" Manila started towards Sharon.  
  
"She's doing good, back to good grades, she's caught up on her work and she's having a friend over tomorrow. Cracker." Alaska did a quick double take at the name, as did the other girls, and Sharon laughed. "Don't worry it's a nickname, her name is Brianna."  
  
Manila came out of her shock, "Oh thank god."  
  
Katya started wheezing at her seriousness and Trixie had to calm her down.  
  
Suddenly Adore walked into the bar with a woman with a smoker breath following her. "No Adore, we are not having a Christmas party at my house."  
  
"Shh, Bea. Hey guys we're having a Christmas party soon at Bianca's and I was wondering if anyone had any dates that they can't do before I send invites and shit."  
  
Bianca rolled her eyes, annoyed, and opened her mouth again. But before she could say a word, as if on instinct Adore had lifted up her arm behind herself without looking and placed a finger to Bianca's lips.  
  
"I'm free I think," Sharon said, "Aquaria wants to have another sleepover soon so we'll plan around the party."  
  
"We should be free," Katya chimed.  
  
"Free," Said Manila.  
  
Adore turned to Alaska expectantly. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Me?"  
  
"Yeah, you seem chill. And your Sharon's friend so what could go wrong."  
  
"Oh, so many things," Bianca said quietly before Adore turned and smacked her on the shoulder.  
  
"I'm really not sure. I can check my work schedule and get back to you."  
  
Adore looked satisfied. "Party."  
  
"Come on Adore." Bianca said, heading to the door.  
  
"Sorry ladies," said the blue haired woman, "just stopping by."  
  
A chorus of "goodbye" was heard as they walked out the door.  
  
Alaska could distantly hear, _We don't even know her, Adore. What if she's a criminal or something. She's friends with Sharon after all._  
  
"Who was that?" Alaska asked.  
  
"Oh that's Bonnie Del Rico, Adore's lady. She's a cunt, but she's sweet when you get to know her," Katya clarified.  
  
There was a quick moment of silence before, "So Alaska are you coming to the show tomorrow?"  
  
Alaska turned to Manila. "Yeah, sure, of course."  
  
She smiled back and pulled Katya away to discuss the performance.  
  
"How's it going with little Mr. or Mrs.?" Sharon asked quietly.  
  
Trixie turned and looked to Katya's back which was facing them. "I don't know," she turned back and her dress swished by her knees, "I didn't tell her but I think she knows something's up."  
  
Alaska looked up, "You told Sharon?"  
  
Trixie's eyes flicked to her. "Oh, um, yeah."  
  
"Of course she told me." She met Sharon's eyes and felt immediately guilty for her tone.  
  
"No that's not what I meant. Sorry just... I didn't know she told anyone else."  
  
Sharon looked at her silently before turning back to Trixie. "Are you going to tell her soon? You have to right? With all the medical stuff happening and bills and vitamins. It a lot to hide."  
  
Alaska suddenly came to a realization. She has forgotten that Sharon has done this too. At one point she was young, pregnant, scared, and at that time Sharon barely had any money. Raja and Raven had probably pitched in as much as they could but they still had lives too.  
  
She looked up at Sharon, who was currently spilling mommy facts quietly to a terrified looking Trixie, and figured out that even though they were the same age, Sharon was much older. She took care of a child while under twenty. She finished school and probably never went to collage for music like she wanted to. She probably never got to be a 'regular' young adult unless one of her few friends took her child while she went out drinking once a month. But she loved Aquaria. That, Alaska could tell. And Sharon was kind and honest and kind of bitchy sometimes but that's beside the point. And Alaska cared for her. Even if she barely knew this new and improved Sharon, she wanted to know her. And she wouldn't stop wanting.  
  
"Alaska? Alaska? Are you alright?"  
  
Alaska quickly turned her head from Sharon, who she'd been staring at for the past minute.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm good"  
  
~  
  
Alaska's first night of work went by very slowly, even with Tammie Brown there making interesting conversation about her increasingly worrying childhood.  
  
So the next night, Alaska was ready for a drink. Or two. Or four.  
  
As she stepped into Club Katya in a short black latex dress and her hair up to the gods, she was immediately bombarded by an excited Katya with a vodka and a water heading towards their table.  
  
"Hey! This is for you," she said, handing her the alcohol, "Hope you like vodka, if not then I'll take it. I haven't been on stage in a few nights so I've gotta get hyped."  
  
When they reached the table Katya set the water down in front of Trixie and leaned down. "Are you sure that's all you want?"  
  
"Oh, yeah I'm good."  
  
Trixie looked away from Katya's worried face. There was a momentary awkward silence before Katya had to slip away to backstage.  
  
Trixie sighed and took a sip of the water.  
  
"Trixie," she looked up, "you've got to tell her. She's obviously worried and it's only going to worse if you don't tell her."  
  
Trixie's guilty face disappeared into her drink again.  
  
~  
  
"Sharon are you sure there's nothing wrong with Trixie?"  
  
"Katya stop. Seriously. I don't know anything and she's your girlfriend, not mine. Ask her yourself."  
  
As they danced to Christina medleys, Trixie wouldn't meet Katya's eye. The worrying was consuming.  
  
Did Katya do something?  
  
Did _Trixie_ do something?  
  
Katya was immediately hit with the thought of Trixie cheating on her before trying to dismiss it, though it still lied in the front of her mind.  
  
She's been talking to Alaska a lot lately. Talking and Laughing. _Alaska._  
  
Did Trixie cheat on her with Alaska?  
  
 _No. Stop. Bad Katya. Trixie wouldn't do that._  
  
Would she?  
  
 _No._  
  
Did she want a real woman?  
  
 _I am a real woman. I am a woman. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop._  
  
As they left the stage for the final time that night Katya said nothing and took her sweet time getting changed, not being close to ready twenty minutes after Manila and Sharon had left. Trixie would wait for her. Or she wouldn't. Maybe she would leave and fuck Alaska in the uber home. Whatever.  
  
"Kat?"  
  
Katya sighed and gripped the vanity in front of her.  
  
"Kat, baby, we're the only ones here. Are you almost ready?"  
  
She felt a hand on her shoulder and whipped around, forcing Trixie to lose contact.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Katya whispered, starting to get angry with Trixie's emotional radio silence.  
  
Trixie took an offended step back and kept silent.  
  
"Trixie I asked what was wrong with you." She said, terrifyingly calm.  
  
Trixie looked up and met Katya's expectant and angry eyes. She kept her teeth clenched but parted her lips imperceptibly to say something but backed out.  
  
Katya hasn't been mad like this in a long time. It was always terrifying. Her ability to sound calm while radiating anger, passion, and sadness was almost the exact opposite of Trixie who would cry and yell if she was angry or confused or upset.  
  
Katya's way to show anger always makes her feel guilty about something, even if Katya isn't mad at her. And Katya usually never gets mad so when she does...  
  
"Trixie."  
  
Trixie turned her eyes firmly to the ground as tears prickled the back and her face began to turn a guilty shade of red.  
  
"I-"  
  
"Please, Trix."  
  
Katya began thinking back. In the last few days Trixie wouldn't take anything. She wouldn't take Katya's gifts, Katya's food, Katya's time, Katya's love.  
  
"I can't do this."  
  
Trixie looked up incredulously at Katya.  
  
"Wha-"  
  
"It's only been maybe a week, I know, but it feels like we haven't talked in months. Really talked. Years. We haven't..."  
  
"... it's beginning to feel like you don't love me."  
  
"No, Kat, never. I love you so much-"  
  
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"Baby," Katya narrowed her eyes at the affection, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It's all my fault." Trixie tried to take Katya's hands in hers but she pulled them away and tears came down Trixie's face.  
  
Katya crossed her arms and closed her eyes, awaiting self destruction.  
  
"So did you cheat on me?"  
  
Trixie's eyes widened and she looked mad.  
  
"Is _that_ what you think this is? You really think that low of me?"  
  
"Wait you didn't-"  
  
"No," Trixie clarified forcefully.  
  
"Then what?" Now Katya is confused. What the hell could be going on?  
  
"Kat, I'm pregnant," Trixie rushed. There's a moment of complete silence before,  
  
"You're what?"  
  
Katya's voice is the softest Trixie has ever heard it. Her arms had fallen from across her chest and her shoulders relaxed.  
  
"Your kid's in my stomach, well, uterus. I'm so sorry Baby I know you don't want kids and-"  
  
"You're pregnant," Katya said louder.  
  
"Well, yea-"  
  
Trixie is suddenly engulfed in the large amount of force and energy bye the name of Katya. It takes Trixie a second to realize she's crying.  
  
"Baby, oh my god," she sobs.  
  
Katya pulls away and grabs Trixie's taller face bringing her down for a kiss.  
  
"Katya what?"  
  
She hugs Trixie again around the waist and spins her around, lifting her feet off of the ground.  
  
"Trixie, oh my god, you're pregnant."  
  
"Yeah but why are you smiling? You don't want kids."  
  
"Baby that was years ago. Before I was me. Before I was loved for being me. And now I'm old, basically senile, and I get to have a kid with you. The best person I've ever known."  
  
Katya's 100 watt smile was contagious and spread to Trixie as they pressed their lips together.  
  
~  
  
"Im gonna go check on Kat."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Night Trix."  
  
As Alaska and Sharon waited for their Uber, they also had to prepare to be soaked by the sudden rainstorm. Maybe this was a metaphor for someone, somewhere, filled with emotion and needing a sign that they could express it.  
  
It was dim.  
  
But not too dark. The lights of the club were mostly turned off except for the ones in the back. Standing by the threshold, Alaska saw Sharon's face illuminated by the streetlights from cars, lampposts, and other buildings. People were scarce, however. With the thunder and rain, people were probably huddled up in another bar waiting for it to pass. Alaska admired the group of women brave enough to power walk through the storm with their short dresses and expensive purses.  
  
"Do you want to have a drink?"  
  
Alaska was startled at Sharon's words.  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No," Sharon smiled, "At my place."  
  
"Sure."  
  
~  
  
They were drunk.  
  
By drunk I mean wasted.  
  
Sharon and Alaska argued with the lady on the TV about which dress to pick (the mermaid gown looked way prettier).  
  
When they had reached Sharon's home, Jinkx had reported to Sharon via text that "There was no loud movement from across the street, therefore Aquaria was being a responsible teenager." Even if Aquaria had been asleep by 12:30 when they'd gotten home, she was probably awake now. A bottle of vodka and 4 beers were spread from the kitchen to the living room.  
  
The girls, however, were sitting criss-crossed, looking up at the TV. As Alaska's eyes began to droop, she spoke up.  
  
"I think I'm gon go home," she slurred, sitting up from the carpet.  
  
"Noooo," Sharon whined, "don't go, we're having fun."  
  
"Okay," she answered matter of factly, "but I am verrry tired Sharon so I'm going to bed."  
  
Alaska stood up, wobbly, and slowly made her was down the from hall to the stairs.  
  
"Sharon."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Where's your bed?"  
  
Sharon groaned and sat up before leading Alaska down the hall and laying down with her, cuddling in their uncomfortable clothing.  
  
"G'night."  
  
"Night."  
  
A shock of thunder rang through the sky and Sharon whimpered and moved closer into Alaska's soothing arms .  



End file.
